So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
