this is something i pride myself on being below average for
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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