dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
