You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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