rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
