So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
