So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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