2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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