curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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