You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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