He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
