So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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