i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize