So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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