He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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