but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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