Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
