Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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