At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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