I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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