just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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