genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
