He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
