I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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