so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
