i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
