I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
