She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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