I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize