You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
