No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
