bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
not ubering you a puppy
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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