She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I wear drunk well.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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