i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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