You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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