your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
