I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize