I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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