These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
