my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
