just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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