I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
That's how pantless uber rides happen
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
