I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Found your dick twin last night
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
