There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
