i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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