I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
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So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
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He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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