Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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