Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
