I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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