I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
