you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
