My nipple is on Facebook.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
