My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
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