She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
