Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He is an equal opportunity slut.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
