you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
