There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
