Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
