Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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