You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
