I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
