The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
